I am Superwoman. Hear me roar. /

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I am Superwoman. Hear me roar.

Topic Author: Jessica Ralston

Posted: 5:43 PM Mar 11, 2008

Replies Posted: 25 comments

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I am Superwoman. Hear me roar.

No doubt we all know one of "those" women. You know what I'm talking about. They have great jobs, great marriages, great kids. They're always dressed to kill, perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect everything. They are living, breathing Stepford Wives. But are they real?

I've always envied those women who seem to have it all. Personally, I'm a total mess. I am always running behind, never on time for anything and always thinking about what I haven't done right. I spend my weekends looking like a scary monster. No makeup, hair in a ponytail and always wearing pj's. To be honest, it's an uphill battle on Sundays to take a shower, (usually it's a battle I lose.) The worst part is, that I don't have kids yet. What's going to happen when I get married and have babies? If I can't get it together now, how will I ever manage when there are little ones who need me 24-7?

As a matter of fact, the reason I don't have kids at the ripe old age of 32 is because I've always been so focused on my career. It still amazes me now to see women who can have a great career and a great family. I also know that somewhere along the line, sacrifices are often made. A lot of women decide to work part-time or give up their jobs to take care of their family.

So when I see a Stepford I am always dying to know. How does she do it? How does she have it together all the time? If there is an insider secret, I am waiting for the answer.

This whole thing was spawned last night by a website we shared on My Z. It's called Betty Confidential.com. The site is a place where women who want to "have it all" can share advice, ideas, chat etc. It's a way for women to help each other navigate through life.

It got me thinking about women who have it all. It also made me wonder if anyone ever really does have it all. Sometimes I think things on the surface might look shiny and polished, but you never really know about what's really going on inside. I've learned that most women struggle more often than most men will ever realize (sorry fellas).

I can't tell you how many women I know who work full-time and are still expected to go home after work, take care of the kids, cook dinner and everything in between. Hello husbands! Your wife works too and probably just as hard as you do. She's probably tired after work too and would like someone to cook for her for a change.

Ok, I'm jumping off that little soapbox because I know some of you are going to write in and say that your husbands do cook and clean and help out around the house. Truly, I think that's great and you are very lucky. But I also know that so many times, when it comes down to it, women carry the load.

So, can we have it all? Clearly, I have no idea. But maybe the next time I see a Stepford walking down the street, I'll think twice about aspiring to be just like her. Let's face it. I know I'll never be perfect and I'll never have it all "together". I can only work at being the best "me" that I can be, smelly Sunday pajamas and all (:

Jessica

Posted by: Brandi I'm the one who is running late, with two different shoes on and my hair still in a towel. I'm dragging three different tote bags along behind me with my purse, because I didn't have time to condense everything into one. A lady, and I mean lady in the highest sense, used to work here. She was head of our audit department (which is not a 40 hour per week job at all), had a huge house, two beautiful young children, a construction supervisor for a husband and was so put together it blew your mind. I came in one morning, and she and another auditor had been working on an audit overnight, all night. This lady still had not one hair out of place and not a wrinkle to be seen in yesterday's dress. The kids were well-behaved and neat, so was the husband and the house for that matter. And she was just a flat-out nice person, I mean truly nice, not just appearing nice. Add in her brains and being a serious church member and she is so unbelievable.

Posted by: Noelle Having it all is a ridiculous question, and it is one that nobody ever bothers to ask of men. Nobody can have it all, so you pick your battles and fight like crazy to make a life for yourself. It's not about husbands, or kids, or whatever other externals people use to measure the worth of their lives. It's about deciding what kind of person you-YOU-want to be, a person not defined by stereotypes and sexism but instead by principle and then living your life as that principled person.

Posted by: Bobbie Messer I don't know if one really can have it all, however we can try to be happy with the life that we have. I myself am 25 with 5 children, who I love more than anything. I also just recently published a book of poems about Dale Earnhardt.

Posted by: MM Somtimes you think you have it all and that can change in a heartbeat, I am a widow raising my child alone, It's worth every second to have my child, what a blessing in my life. It's so easy to make sacrafices for your child. I am now trying to start an online business targeting the tri state area, so that I can remain staying home with my child. Please check www.tristateads.com , I hope to have it all again one day, through hard work and pride in my family.

Posted by: Phil tick,tick,tick, having children to love and they love you back.....is having it all

Posted by: Jayme I don't truly believe anyone has it all. In order to have things in order sometimes, I have to let somethinng, somewhere slip and other times I can only do it with the help of family. I am married to a man who works 100 hours per week, have 2 kids (5 & 2) and am in school to become a Nurse. I have no free time. What little I do have is spent with my nose in a book. You mentioned sacrifices. Yes, that is a huge part of it all. I sacrificed going to school to travel this country with my husband while he was in the Army and put my schooling aside until now. Life is all about give and take. And I gave for a while for him and now I am taking a while for me (for school). I do have one piece of good news for you though....there is a secret to that whole "having it all together look." Are you ready for it....lists. Lists are the key to happiness. I have one for each day as to what I need for class, what my daughter needs for her multiple activites and etc!!

Posted by: Debbie One things for sure Jess, once you have one, you'll come to realize you never knew you could love anything so completely unselfishly, that you would gladly die if it meant saving them. I think my hardest challenge will come in 2009 when my oldest starts college. letting go, that's gonna hurt.

Posted by: Jill I'm not sure it's a matter of "having [it all]" but "feeling" as though you do. I am a 36 year-old, divorced mother with a demanding professional career. I feel really blessed in that I have reached a satisfying balance. Do I pick up McDonald's and order pizzas? Of course. Do I ever feel guilty if work requires that I travel and can't lay down with my little boy to get him to sleep? You bet I do. By anyone's standards, this isn't even close to "having it all", but most of the time -- certainly not all of the time -- I feel like I do.

Posted by: Leeann I am 37, soon to be 38, married with two kids (4 and 13). I want to share just a few thoughts: Everything may not be as it looks. I do happen to think that women can have it all...just not all at the same time. What 'have it all' means to one woman may mean something different to the next gal. My generation was taught that women can and should have it all. I am proud to have a high powered/high profile career and to be a role model for other women. I am also proud to be a wife, mother and daughter.

Posted by: Donna Hi Jessica, sorry if my comment made your clock tick louder that was not the intent. There's one woman at school who always has her make-up just right, her hair has obviously seen some hairspray and her clothes are always so neat. I witnessed her one morning wiping off her sons shirt, straightening his collar and ran her hand over his hair to smoothe it. I couldn't help to think Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. You've heard the old saying never judge a book by its cover. Things seem to just fall into place and I'm sure when the time is right, that you will marry and you will be a great mom. 32 is just a number, its not who you are.

Posted by: Jen Jessica, I personally have never seen you anything less than absolutely fabulous! I think everytime I see you..."How does Jessica do it!? She always looks so pretty and classy." You are a woman to admire. You work hard and you do it with integrity and class. That's saying a lot in a career where not everyone follows the same motto. So, thanks for your honesty. I have always thought that you are beautiful on the inside and the outside. So, keep doin' what you're doin' girl! I know that things are only going to get better for you! You'll be a great mom if you decide to have children. And if you don't, you'll always be a great role model for other girls no matter what. Best of luck! Hope to see you soon!

Posted by: Jessica (Ralston) Thanks everyone for the great comments. Some were hilarious, others were truly inspiring. The baby stories only made my "clock" tick harder (: It's nice though to see that so many people can relate. Thanks again.

Posted by: Jim Jessica, You CAN have it all if you want it bad enough. It's simply a matter of priorities and figuring out what works for you, because what works for someone else might not be right for you and your lifestyle. Keep pluggin' away, you can do it!

Posted by: velma you can't have it all. if you fail your children, you have failed. give them your all.

Posted by: Debbie Jeff, maybe you should look at why you are always getting involved with women who don't appreciate you instead of thinking that is how all women are, just saying.Jess, you'll do fine, you've already taken on one baby and are successful, My Z. Oh, I guess 2 if you count Ginger. You'll be fine.

Posted by: Jeff Truthiness (Do you mean Truthfullness??), on the contrary, I'm not trying to "woo" anyone. I have no problem finding comanionship, and before you say it, not the paid for for kind. I'm just stating my opinion. By your statement "Frankly, very few women I have met during my years really want "nice" guys", I see you agree with me. Thank you.

Posted by: Carrie Oh Jessica, I love this subject! As your fellow co-worker, you and I know our jobs are mentally and often physically DRAINING! After a long day on the stress mill, I do come home exhausted, figure out dinner, bathe Gabbie (my 5-year-old) read her a bedtime story and then stay with her until she falls asleep. In the meantime, my husband does bills, checks emails and takes care of the dishes. After all of that, I still want to spend time with him relying on fumes from energy spent hours ago. It's a maddening cycle that often leaves you zonked. I was a single like you wondering how I'd ever manage the family life. I promise, you will rise to the challenge because you have to and believe it or not, often WANT to! It's very rewarding and while we truly don't have it all, it's our job to make it look good. But, truth be told, we're all a bit flaked just under the surface and rest in the fact that no one is perfect, yet we all keep each others secret and continue to play the role.

Posted by: Jessica I've come to realize that you can have it all as long as you don't expect it all to be perfect. Those "Stepfords" you describe may look like it's all together, but something is being sacrificed. No one is perfect, regardless of how it may look to others. I have a wonderful husband, five great kids, and a full-time job. There are absolutely times when my best laid plans fall apart and nothing goes as it should. Strangely enough, that's when I usually learn the most and find the most joy. My relationship with God keeps me sane, and being able to laugh at myself and my own shortcomings helps. I try to live by the idea that its silly to have it all if you never enjoy anything because you're too busy trying to have it all. Don't worry about how you'll handle marriage and motherhood. Just hang on and enjoy the ride!

Posted by: Donna Hi Jessica, I too am always running behind. Always have been. My mom was late for her own wedding so you see where it comes from for me. As my husband and I got a little older we started thinking that we wouldn't have kids. One day at work I was kinda of venting about the simple mistakes that I had to research when a co worker says its a babysitting job. I replied with if I wanted to babysit, I would have had my own kids. Boom, that's when it happened 32 years old and I'm pregnant. My son is now 4 and full of life. Its something that I wanted but I didn't know I wanted it until it happened. There's nothing like being a mother. They wrap those little fingers right around your heart and they don't let go. I am still running behind and my house is still a mess even though I am able to stay at home. But I wouldn't trade those smiles for anything in the world. Trust me, you can still hear me ROOAAR.lol The best of luck to ya.

Posted by: Am I feel like I do have it all, I am a Mommy to the two most amazing boys you'd ever want to meet, a Wife to a wonderful husband, and I work full time. Women do carry a big load, but it's because we choose to. I enjoy making dinner for my family and sitting down to eat with them. (On occasion I would like more help, but if I would ask ( I usually don't) my husband and my boys would all help. Yeah, my house may at times be a little dusty and on the weekends it's sweats/PJ's for me most of the time, but it's not from being too busy to apply make up on the weekends it's who want's to you wear it to work all week, ya gotta let your face breathe. Don't sweat the small stuff when your a wife and mommy everything will fall into place. It's the best decisions I've ever made, there is no greater joy than seeing your child at the end of an especially long work day smiling and ready to give you a big hug. Just wait you'll see.

Posted by: Truthiness Jeff, quit trying to woo Jessica with this sob story. Frankly, very few women I have met during my years really want "nice" guys. Oh sure, they say that...just like we say a woman's appearance isn't important. Right. Focus on your inner "jerk" and your prospects will increase ten-fold. Likewise, increase your bank account and you will see many more prospects. And remember, when you start to feel down, just look at Seal. Somehow he landed Heidi Klum.

Posted by: Beth I don't have it all. I work and take care of my kids because that is what is needed. It has to be done. I am divorced and the primary bread winner. If I don't do it, it won't be done. There are no hidden secrets. That is life, and you deal. No bitterness, and I find so much joy. If I tried to over analyze, who knows what I would become. Jeff, you need to forget the bitterness. One selfish woman should not turn you agains the entire gender. If you have low expectations, that is exactly what you are going to find.

Posted by: Jeff Jessica, I have always been that guy. In my relationships over the years I carried my share of the load. I think it's admirable that a guy even WANTS to help out. My parents instilled in me a respect for women which I have carried all through the years in my relationships. Now at the ripe old age of 49 I face it alone. I've found that women don't want the nice guy. The kind of fella that goes the extra mile for them. Now some of you are going to say I'm full of BS. But I sincerly believe that women don't want the nice guy. The fella who "helps out". I'm a medical professional, good job, laid back and attentive. I care about my fellow humn being. I'm the good samaritan that stops to change that flat tire for you. I'm sorry, but still say women do not want us nice guys. Nice guys finish last....

Posted by: Sue I don't think you can have it all and I am not even going to try. I have a very sweet 4 legged furkid and that is all I am having. I see the same women you do and I always wonder. We can't see what is on the inside or what is happening behind closed doors. If there are women who can do it..rock on! But I see and know too many who are exhasted, are in marriages but don't have a marriage, and who are barely hanging on. And, Jessica, I thought that is how all single busy women spent their off-time? Don't give aways anymore single girl secrets! ;-)