Clerk Part 2: The whole conversation

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Clerk Part 2: The whole conversation

Topic Author: Melanie Shafer

Posted: 8:19 AM May 1, 2008

Replies Posted: 59 comments

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Clerk Part 2: The whole conversation

Never did I think this would generate so many comments! Wow! Since some responders have had questions: here is some more background on my visit and interaction .. more of the conversation ...

I went into the store and made a return and was treated very nicely by the clerk for the exchange. I asked for some help in finding a few things, explaining I was pressed for time, I had five children to pickup .. between school and sitters. The store was almost empty, the salespeople pretty much talking among themselves. Another salesperson came up and helped me find exactly what I was looking for -- it was going very well. Then... when paying at the register .. the conversation with a different salesperson took a turn...

Clerk: Why DO you have 5 kids? ( icky tone)

Me: Because they are wonderful.

Clerk: That's a lot of kids. I just want to have fun. ( again icky tone)

Me: You'll never fall in love with anyone like you will your babies. You don't know what you're missing. They come with work, but they are worth it.

Clerk: I might want to have a kid, maybe two. But it would have to be twins so I could get it over with. Be done with it.

Me: I loved being pregnant. I'm glad I got to do it five times. It's pretty amazing.

Please know I have no problem with 20-somethings. I used to be one :). I have no problem with cute girls, either .. used to be one of those too :). I also am used to people commenting on the number of children I have. It's just that usually it doesn't come with an undertone of seething condemnation.

You have every right to have .. or not have... a family.. however big or small. Children are not for everyone, but they are definitely for me.

And while I didn't come back with a snappy retort, I'm actually glad I didn't. The few times I have returned a barbed comment I have regretted it later. Maybe next time I'll just treat a yucky comment with humor...

Why DO you have five kids?

Me: You haven't seen how cute my husband is!!!!!

Melanie Shafer

Posted by: Judy My comment would be "Because I didn't want six!"

Posted by: Pam Mom mother had five children and she too got all kinds of snide comments at times. She always told me that with every child she received a blessing and that their finances always seemed to get better with each child. When my dad passed away and we were all with her with our spouses and children my mom looked around and said, "I don't know how I could have gotten through this without all of you". I know her life couldn't have been easy but I do know that, for her, it was worth it. Hang in there Melanie

Posted by: Amanda Hi Melanie....I'm a Mommy to two lil boys and I have to say I have the utmost respect for you!! Your children are taken well care of, you work and make time for everything else. Wheeewww I'm more tired now thinking about all you do lol. But some ppl like the sales clerk are snots and ultimately more than likely jealous. You have a loving hubby, great kids, job, and personality. I think you handled things in an ADULT and professional manner...Could I have done that, probably not lol but maybe she can take lessons from how Mommy's behave in public? Bravo to you....I wish I could have more kids than my 2 but I was blessed with them so I wont complain about not being able to have more, we should all count our blessings and be thankful for them. We could be miserable and alone like the snotty sales clerk lol.

Posted by: Mark "Me: You haven't seen how cute my husband is!!!!!" Well, I know your husband, and I can say without a doubt that he 'married up'. And you can tell him I said that, too! :o)

Posted by: Debbie I meant Rob, you know the hoosier fan

Posted by: Rose One way of answering the question of 5 children; I love getting gifts and the more children I have the more gifts I'll get for Mother's Day. Then you might ask the young lady how many gifts she antisipates for Mother's day. I agree that it has less to do with the question than the tone of voice. Like you are doing something wrong. I just read an article where a couple in Arkansas are expecting child #18. The ages were from 20yrs to 9mths and all of the names begin with "J". I am a mother of 4 and am greatful for everyone of my blessings.

Posted by: Anonymous OMG who cares!

Posted by: michelle Melinie, I think it is great you have that many babies I was told I could not have kids when I found out by some surprise I was pregnant I was astounded. I love my baby boy he is wonderful. I have lost some friend too because I refuse to get a sitter on a whim and go out. were I go he goes. I was blessed to get him I could only pray for 4 more. Everyone is different, and we all havo our own opinions, however some of us need to learn when it is okay to share them. You handled it very well.

Posted by: Anonymous happy for you,5 great kids...I have 4.....love the song "Love Bites" too,by Def Leppard,youtube it if you can...good luck to you and your family

Posted by: Jerry Brian hit the nail on the head. At least you aren't another toothless welfare case with five kids, no job, and terminal laziness.

Posted by: Proud Mom of 5 I have 5 children also. I have 4 boys and then a girl. My very middle son has CP. We have even been pregnant at some of the same times. I think that was very rude. It is no ones business how many kids you have. Kids may not be for everyone, but I LOVE my kids. I loved pregnancy and childbirth and wouldn't trade it for anything. They are all blessings and God even gave me an extra blessing with my special needs son. He is an extra special blessing.

Posted by: Kygal Melanie, I've watched you over the years. You do a wonderful job as a news anchor. Based on what I see on TV, you do a wonderful job as a mother. You may make mistakes but you are not afraid to admit it. I'm amazed that you can hold down a job and be a mother to your children. I appreciate the blogs that you write. They provide us with info on specific subjects and reveals a part of you that we do not know. Maybe, I shouldn't but I feel closer to you. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. About the salesclerk, we all experience this but when are we going to stand up and say we are not taking rudeness any longer!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!

Posted by: anon Debbie, who is BOB?

Posted by: To dear, sweet Anon This is a blog. This is designed for more personal communication between the staff and the viewers. Go to your tool bar and find the news. Click on it.

Posted by: Melanie You are blessed 5 times. Some people just don't get. I have no children and not because I want it that way....I'd rather have 5 just like you but God hasn't seen it that way. One day this clerk will have a child and understand (hopefuly) the love you feel for your children. Hey I have a friend with 7 kids!!! 7 X's the love.

Posted by: Debbie Peg, I have never met Melanie in person, she certainly doesn't seem rude or arrogant to me, and I've got a pretty good knack for "reading" folks. I have met Penny and I have to say she was very cordial and polite, and Bob. I've even drawn blood from him.Very nice fellow, even while being stuck. and he didn't even faint!

Posted by: DW MELISSA - I was just stating a fact, that is why the sales clerk knew she had 5 children because she said it and says it time and time again. No jealousy, could care less. But in all Melanie's "proudness" she mentions it and may not even be aware she does. Just making a statement, which I think is my right. But thanks for noticing ....... And was also making the comment and agreeing that there are very rude clerks out there that should not be in the position they are in and should be reported. But boy did Anon and I hit a nerve. Are you Melanie's "official" protector? That is what a "blog" is, post your comments pro and con and when someone posts something that is contrary to your belief, you pounce. I think just lilke movie stars, people in the public eye know that is part of the job, criticism. Don't want the comments, don't say it. If Melanie doesn't want the comments about her children, then don't say "my 5 children".

Posted by: denise Melianie, YOU HAVE 5 KIDS and guess what you still look great! Dont let other people get you down as for the clerk she can only hope she looks as good as you whenever she has children.

Posted by: susan i like the fact u can share ur personal life, geez, u are just another fellow human sharing the earth

Posted by: Gale Melanie, motherhood agrees with you, you just have a glow of contentment about you. Some women have the ability to raise a large family, have a career, "cute" husband, and still exude an approachable, friendly attitude. Several years ago, my cousin and her husband had a 15 yr. old when she became pregnant. After the initial shock was over, they were thrilled and had a little girl. More shock when she was 3 months old, they found they were expecting again! So 9 mts. later, TWIN BOYS! They considered themselves blessed. My cousin is the kind of woman who could just bake hundreds of cookies as Christmas gifts, or sew a dress, whatever, with one baby on her hip and 2 others hanging on her leg, and never lose patience. She just loved her life and when people made rude remarks about 3 children in 1 yr. she let them know in a hurry, that SHE was the lucky one in all this chaos.

Posted by: Robin I am still tying to fiugre out how it became any of her business. I don't care how old she is, did her parents forget to tell her that if you can't say something nice don't say anything. I have to assume that they also forgot to tell her what a blessing children are no matter how many you choose! As far as for having fun, well I didn't know what fun was until I had a child and what I thought was fun....well, I didn't really know what it was until the grandkids came along!

Posted by: Mel Fan Now that is something a 20 something should understand. "Why DO you have five kids? Me: You haven't seen how cute my husband is!!!!!" PS I have not.

Posted by: Jessica I held off on commenting on Mel's blog because I didn't want to open up a can of worms. But truly, she is right about this one. Sometimes people think that because we are on the news they can walk up to us and say anything they want, no matter how mean it is. We're people too and we have feelings too. I've had people say condescending things to me because I "don't" have children. Like I'm some evil self-involved woman who hates kids. How do they know that I don't have fertility problems or some other issues. Hopefully, more people will learn a lesson from this blog and think before they speak. Words really can hurt people and most often times, they are not deserved.

Posted by: To DW & Anon By saying "My 5 children" she is acknowledging ALL her children. Why does it bother you so much? To Anon: Maybe you misunderstood that this is a blog. All the anchors blog about THEIR life. That is the point of this section. Don' like it? Don't read it.

Posted by: What is a Mother? A lot of people blogging are concerced with the number of children people have. I have met many mothers who have had no biological children. But they have cared and nutured someone like a mother. I joke all the time that I have 21 children 19 school children and 2 of my own. Melanie you have 5 children but I bet you are a mother figure to much more than that. God has made us to love people, thank God you have picked that up and love children so deeply. You have found your calling and negative comments can't take that away. God said count your blessings and name them one by one, so continue telling people how many children you have. You are just giving your praise report when tell you have five children. God bless you and your beautiful family.

Posted by: harry Once again anon, if you don't like it do not read it. As you can well read it is news to the rest of us. Once again good job Melanie!

Posted by: Kerri AMEN!!!

Posted by: Proud mommy Hmmm...sounds like a few people are unaware of what a blog is. This section is not actually for news. This is where we can get to know our news team personally. I have four kids and have my own blog that family and friends can come to catch up on my children. This is for personal thoughts or encounters. If Melanie wants to talk about her kids all day long this is her area to do so. She's sharing her life with us. Melanie, I have triplets and you would not believe the comments/questions I get. Person:Better you than me. Me: Yes I agree. Person: You've got your hands full. Me: You should see my heart. Person: Do triplets run in your family? (This is their polite way of asking if we did fertility drugs.) Me: No they are not walking yet, but I'm sure one day they will.

Posted by: Peg Oddly, I remember YOU being rude and arrogant acting when you did a story on a nursing home I worked at when it first opened back in the early nineties. We all talked about how stuck up you were. You wouldn't even speak to us low life staffers. Karma is a funny thing.

Posted by: anon I think everyone has at one time been treated rudely by a salesclerk. I am not understanding your shock. The fact that you are a public personality and share the details of your family with the viewing area is going to result in comments, positive and negative. I would prefer you report the news and keep your private life private.

Posted by: Bev Good one!! You make as many babies as you want with him,lol.

Posted by: Melissa DW, if she wants to mention that she has 5 children she has every right to. I only have one child who keeps me extremely busy but I am very proud to talk about her.Sounds to me like jealousy that someone can have that many children and have FIVE CHILDREN, a career and still find the time to look beautiful.

Posted by: becky WAY TO GO!!! I HAVE 4 WONDERFUL KIDS AND ONE ON THE WAY!!! NUTTIN WRONG WITH THAT

Posted by: Tim Way to go Melanie. Again, shows why your the best co-anchor and MOM. Loved the part about how cute your husband is. PLEASE use that the next time with the 20 something rude girl!

Posted by: amy You still are cute!

Posted by: W.C. You did the right thing,I bet she is just like her mother.People tend to act like their parents,I wonder how she still has a job.

Posted by: mom of 5 too Be proud of your children and let people know you have 5. I do too. When some snot asks why 5 I have replied with 'I love children, am good in the sack, and am obviously blessed with being very fertile-anymore questions I can help with?' That one seems to stun them quiet.

Posted by: DW yes indeed, everyone has the right to have as many children as they want or can afford. But I think each time in writing a blog, it"s "five children, five children, five children". I think everyone in Huntington and the area knows you have "five children". It's like an armband of honor or a brag. The situation could have probably been avoided if the statement was just "I have to pick up my children". Do we with children always number them (I have to pick up my 2 children, etc.). It's great that you love your children, but we all do, no matter how many we have. But I have noticed in each blog when you mention your family, it is always "FIVE CHILDREN". Again, I think everyone knows that by now. But I think the main point was that the clerk was rude, which all of us have encountered far too many times. I agree, this one should not be in that position.

Posted by: Jayme You crack me up. Maybe that comment would have saved the whole converstation lol. Keep the blogs coming...I love reading them :)

Posted by: Toni You seem to have handled yourself very well...I wonder if the clerk reads the blogs on WSAZ homepage. Only If, lol.

Posted by: Judy Add my comments to your ever growing list, Melanie. This best reply is credited to "Dear Abby". She suggested saying in a sweet voice, "If you forgive me for not answering that personal question, I'll forgive you for asking".

Posted by: Misty The way the clerk said that maybe she should'nt have kids. Maybe we will see her on the news if you know what I mean. Whats it 2 her if you have 20 kids its not like its coming out of her paycheck.lol Which if she had kids it will probably becoming out of our POCKETS>

Posted by: Trish WAY TO GO MELANIE. YOU ARE ONE TERIFFIC LADY. WE ONLY HAVE ONE CHILD, WANTED MORE, DID NOT HAPPEN BUT WE SURE HAVE HAD FUN TRYING.

Posted by: Mothergoose I have four kids and get rude comments all the time. I LOVE having a big family and would have had more if I could. People need to be sensitive and keep negative comments to themselves!

Posted by: Shell I like that you kept a positive attitude while the clerk was trying to bring you down. I deal with young 20 somethings on a daily basis. Sometimes I do feel like they look at us "older" women with ickyness. Hopefully what you said to the clerk about falling in love with babies and pregnancy being amazing will sink in one day. Thanks for your blog.

Posted by: SAUNDRA FIRST OFF- CONGRADULATIONS! DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO IGNORANT PEOPLE, YOU ARE TRUELY BLESSED(I WISH THAT I WAS SO LUCKY AND BLESSED)BY THE WAY--NICE COMMENT ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND!!:>) USE THAT NEXT TIME AND THAT'LL SHUT THEM UP AND TAKE THE WIND OUT OF THEIR SAILS (IN A POLITE/COMMICAL MANNER)SMILE AND HOLD YOU'RE HEAD UP HIGH AND SAY"HAVE A NICE DAY" AND WALK AWAY!!!

Posted by: Amy I would definitely have to agree!

Posted by: Glen Psychiatry tells us the ability to project oneself into another person's being or situation is the last portion of the brain to develop. This may be the final sign of maturity. Your clerk is an adult being controlled by a child's brain that has yet to fully develop. [This is also why the current mess in Texas is against the legal system. A 13-year-old girl can not comprehend "love" - neither for her 'husband' nor her children. Infatuation? Perhaps, but not true love.]

Posted by: Amanda You are the best mom and I think you could handle 5 more! Also--you're right. They should see how cute your husband is! :)

Posted by: Sue I think you were doing swimmingly until the comment "You don't know what you are missing.". Yeah, I have heard that too. I do know what I am "missing" and don't actually miss it. But, trust me, what you hear pales in comparison to the remarks made to me for remaining child-free. Words and phrases like "unnatural" or "less than a real woman" have been said. I would have seriously gone to the manager because a sales associate has not right to question your decision (and I have been a sales associate in the past). Or use the "you don't know how cute my husband is" line. That's good. And I agree with Brian, you are raising your kids, so I would rather see you have five children than some others.

Posted by: Amber Melainie, I think it would be great to see the look on someone's face when you say you should see my husband, I'm sure people would be shocked. haha. I say people should mind their business anyway, I had two premature children, and after the second had to make the decision to not have anymore kids, ( I was already so blessed to have two healthy boys, why risk another premature birth) I would have loved to have had more babies. I always told my husband it would have taken us to the fourth to get a little girl. I'm glad you realize what special treasures you have in your children, and I have a feeling the 20 something will be eating her words, the moment she see's her first child on ultrasound the first time.

Posted by: BRANDY It doesnt matter how many kids you have because you cant make everyone happy. I only have one child and I am constantly having to defend myself for only having one. Even had one crazy lady tell me that everyone needs at least 2 in case 1 dies. Can you imagine how awful? I also have a friend who is constantly critized for choosing not to have any. It is a choice to have kids or not to have them or how many to have. Just hope that everyone who has them realizes how blessed they are and treat their children like the gifts that they are. Melanie, any plans for #6 ?

Posted by: Penny You are way beyond that "cute girl" you used to be, my friend- your radiance goes beyond your beautiful face to shine right out of your heart. And you're right-- snapping back only reduces you to the offender's level. I love the anwer you gave -- and the one you have in store for the next time! :-)

Posted by: Carrie I agree with your comment about never falling in love with anyone the way you do with your babies. I am lucky enough to have a 19 month old daughter at home and look forward to having more. Probably not five, but definately more. I think it takes special parents to have as many children as you do. I really commend you.

Posted by: Brian Ohhhhhhhh....too much information!! But anyway...I'd rather see somebody like you--with some brains and some education--having five kids than some of these people who can't or won't support their kids and raise them to be bums themselves.

Posted by: Stacy Way to go Melanie! You are such a sweet lady. Keep up the good work. Don't let those few rude (commenting) people get you down. You have such a positive attitude. You are a good example for people. You love your family and it shows.

Posted by: Carrie You go Melanie! You can only take so much. I applaud you for sharing your experience. It was something that bothered you and after reading the entire conversation, I see that the clerk WAS being quite rude. You held your tongue with her, but vented to us! That's your right when you have a blog! ;-) By the way, I have seen how cute your husband is! It's all a no brainer really! lol

Posted by: Debbie Melanie, don't feel bad. My sister waited until she was mid thirties to have her kids, her first at 34, and 2 more. She was 39 when her third was born. You would not believe how many people, and I'm not talking about 20's, usually people her age or older commented on why she waited so late, and wasn't she worried they'd be retarded. (seriously they asked that while she was pregnant!)Oh and the most common, that she'd be too old to go and do fun things with them. She too was at a loss for what to say. Amazing how people feel free to be so insensitive and rude. I told her she should tell them, just because they aged quickly doesn't mean I will, that should shut them up. She never did though.