I hate you.

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I hate you.

Topic Author: Penny Moss

Posted: 11:20 AM Jul 17, 2008

Replies Posted: 8 comments

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I hate you.

I can't remember now what it was that set her off. But there she was, standing in the shower telling Daddy how much she hates him.

I was on the bed, changing Bennett into his pj's and listening. Laughing a bit, really, (never to her face, of course) since it is kind of funny, that 3-year old fury. This is the first time it's escalated to the "h" word. Matt gave her the typical response, a bit different from what mine would have been, but what you'd pretty much expect.

Interestingly enough, the next day I got an email newsletter from Babycenter, which I get every week or so, detailing the phases my variously-aged children are probably in. This one explained exactly why his answers, and the ones I would have given, were wrong.

http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/404_how-should-i-respond-when-my-child-says-i-hate-you_70955.pc

I ask you, what did parents do before Google and the Internet?

(And... why, oh why, is my font changing at random?)

It's nice how that hate turns back to love pretty quickly, when you're 3.

Posted by: Pam Granted, it all really does get on your nerves--it is amazing how mothers become skilled in the art of counter-attacking (with loss for a better word) the verbage of little ones. We have 3 grown children now,with 5 grandchildren. We heard the "H" word often when ours were growing up and now hear it from the next generation. We, and now our children, all use the same phrase when the little ones are expressing their tempers---"But I still love you" and it has always worked to offset the temper and let the little ones know that no matter what, our love will still be there---even through the two-year-old and the teenage temper tantrums. Good luck!!

Posted by: Pat Penny, Wait till all you here is the "What Ever" Comment. Thats all my daughter used to say in response to our comments about something she shouldn't be doing, now those 2 words are coming back to haunt her - her daughter says those same 2 words back at her. I just smile to myself when I hear my granddaughter respond back to her mother - I just keep thinking what comes around goes around.

Posted by: Aileen I am a MOMO to three,23,20, and 16..2 boys 1 girl..when my 20 year old grand son was about 2, he came up on the back porch one day crying,(his Mom and Dad were in Chicago looking for a house,they were being transferred from Fredricksburg, Va He was crying..and said "You bad, MOMO, you just bad,bad" I ask his 5 yr old brother what that was about, and his words of wisdom were,"Oh, don't worry MOMO, he does not mean it, just something new he came up with". The "little" 2 yr old is now 20, and 6 ft 3 and he is coming to visit. He is a Jr. at the U. of ILL. in Champaigne and an honor student. He is coming to visit his MOMO and Papa before he goes back to school.One of my special grand children. They grow up much to quickly.

Posted by: Trisha Penny, don't fret...this too will pass...when you child says the "H" word explain to him/her.."Do you really hate me or do you dislike what I did or said?...there is a difference"...this usually works plus it get their little thinking motors running and in the end changes how they view everyone around them in a judgmental phase...best of luck !

Posted by: Ida As the Mother of three(31,28,and 26, I think of all of the I hate yous I got. But the love made up and now I have a 2 year old grandson, I am waiting for my son to get HIS I hate yous. What goes around comes around.

Posted by: Momof3 I've been on the receiving end of the "I hate you" from both my little boy and my teenage daughter. The "guilt" of having said such a horrible thing to your mother eventually gets to my daughter and she'll apologize and really does feel terrible about having said it. She will try to reassure me that she didn't mean it and that she was just mad and I try to explain to her that I understand why she gets mad, but that that is no excuse to say things like that. All in all, she understands and we make up and all is well. My little one, however, is more complicated. I don't think he fully understands what it means, and it is just an expression of frustration and anger. He, too, will say "I'm sorry mommy. I love you" and then will go on about his way, playing and doing what little boys do. I make it a point, though, to explain that it is OK to be mad, but not OK to say mean things to hurt others. I try not to get too detailed and lecture him, but explain in his terms.

Posted by: Heather I have a three year old, four year old, and six year old. I can certainly relate to the three year old fury. One of the hardest parts about being a parent is trying to get children to understand their own feelings. When my three year old starts screaming because her sister took her doll, I try to get her to identify her feeling then solve the problem. I am constantly saying, "Use your words...don't scream." It works with persistence and patience. My six year old does a good job of telling me how she is feeling. Overall parenting is very rewarding and I love to see them progress.

Posted by: Anne What I LOVE about Babycenter are the parents' responses. How about the one that says using the word "hate is unacceptable" and she would give her child a spanking. I'm thinking the message is a little cloudy there for a 3 year old - but I digress. Talking sensibly to my child has backfired as well. She "hates" me because I told her to get out of the silverware drawer and to stop pulling out the knives (I realize I need to saftey lock the drawer). But she argues with me - while she's grabbing in the drawer! "Because I said so" is now my favorite response even though I absolutely despised (is that word ok?) getting that response when I was little. And now I understand why I got it so much.