TALKING TO CHILDREN ABOUT ADOPTION

~ INTRO: PARENTS WHO HAVE RECENTLY ADOPTED OR ARE PLANNING TO ADOPT OFTEN HAVE MIXED FEELINGS. THEY ARE EXCITED ABOUT HAVING A NEW ADDITION TO THEIR FAMILY, BUT ALSO FEARFUL ABOUT WHAT MIGHT LIE AHEAD.

~ WHEN ADOPTIVE PARENTS HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING ABOUT HOW ADOPTION PLAYS A ROLE IN THEIR CHILD’S GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT, THEY CAN HELP THEIR CHILD ACCEPT THEIR OWN UNIQUENESS AND BE PROUD OF WHO THEY ARE AND HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE TO THEIR FAMILY.

~ SUGGESTIONS FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS

1. TALK TO CHILD ABOUT ADOPTION AS SOON AS CHILD IS ABLE TO UNDERSTAND – USUALLY BETWEEN THE AGES OF 2 AND 4. THESE EARLY DISCUSSIONS ARE IMPORTANT TO HELP ESTABLISH OPEN COMMUNICATION ABOUT THE ADOPTION OVER THE YEARS TO COME, AND WILL ALSO AND ALLOW THE CHILD TO FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT TALKING WITH PARENTS ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS AND QUESTIONS….AND THEY WILL HAVE QUESTIONS.

2. ALWAYS SPEAK POSITIVELY ABOUT CHILD’S BIRTH PARENTS. BEING NEGATIVE ABOUT BIOLOGICAL PARENTS CAN CAUSE THE CHILD TO INTERNALIZE NEGATIVE FEELINGS ABOUT THEMSELVES

3. THERE ARE MANY CHILDREN’S BOOKS ABOUT ADOPTION THAT CA BE USED TO HELP CHILDREN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.

4. ADOPTED CHILDREN ARE VERY INTERESTED IN HOW THEY CAME TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY. ONE WAY TO DO THIS IS TO KEEP A SCRAPBOOK OF THINGS LIKE IMPORTANT DATES AND EVENTS OF THE ADOPTION PROCESS, PICTURES OF PEOPLE AND PLACES THAT WERE INVOLVED IN CHILD’S EARLY LIFE, AND SPECIAL MEMENTOS OF THEIR ADOPTION.

5. FEAR, GRIEF AND ANGER ARE ALL NORMAL PARTS OF AN ADOPTED CHILD’S EXPERIENCE. THEY WILL REACT DIFFERENTLY AT DIFFERENT AGES. PARENT’S NEED TO BE POSITIVE AND HONEST. REMIND KIDS THAT FAMILIES COME IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES AND THAT THEY ARE A “FOREVER” FAMILY, A FAMILY THAT WILL LOVE THEM ALWAYS .

6. PREPARE CHILD FOR POTENTIALLY INSENSITIVE QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS FROM OTHERS AND EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF EXPRESSING THEIR FEELINGS, QUESTIONS AND EXPERIENCES.

6. EDUCATE FAMILY, FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS ABOUT THE ADOPTION. DON’T NEED TO REVEAL TOO MUCH, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY ARE INFORMED AND SENSITIVE TO THE FAMILY’S NEEDS.